From the first moment I touched a rugby ball as a 3 year old playing mini rugby in rural New Zealand I was hooked. From then on my Mum and Dad would follow me to most matches and when I entered rep rugby that often meant very long road trips and cheap motels. Sadly my father never saw me play senior rugby and my mother was only informed of my exploits overseas by the odd newspaper clipping I would send her. Still, great times! Perhaps this is where I should have stopped. But oh no, I decided to coach!
Coaching allowed me to still feel the highs and lows of the team in battle. There was a familiarity in the smell of liniment and fresh washed jerseys. It wasn't the same as playing but the next best thing. The highs came from seeing the players develop and knowing I had a hand in their success. Their feedback fueled my desire as they worked hard to achieve. Then success came along and a little of the fun started to go. It wasn't success that took away the fun, it was the critics! All of a sudden people want to have a shot at someone doing well at something they love - and at that time something they did for free! Still the players and the great people I met along the way made it all worthwhile. So perhaps I should have stopped there! But oh no, I decided to specialise!
Firstly I was the "drills guy" and then I became the "skills coach". Both these roles brought me into contact with some fantastic people and my rugby knowledge grew with it. But wait! Suddenly no team, no liniment what's going on? It feels like my life is not mine to make mistakes and learn from anymore, I must be herded and guided to fit in with the plans of others.
So I reckon it's time to coach a team again. After all I have been exposed to some of the best coaches in the world and coached some great players and coaches from all around the world, so now I have a skill set even greater than before. But wait! I am not in the system! What system?? Who knew there was a system??? And that old adage from the past comes back to me "it's not what you know it's who you know" and more recently a new one I hear a lot "everyone is replaceable". These two phrases bloody irritate me so much. It is clear now that my success will not come from my knowledge, skill set, ability or even potential, but rather from working the system as it is supposed to work. I don't think I want to do that. If everyone feels replaceable they will work hard to do what pleases those in power but they will never have the freedom to express themselves and this is the area that great gains come from. I prefer the honest approach - who you know should not matter, judge people on their actions, words are cheap. Simple old fashioned things today I guess.
So if like me you read this as I once was, a wide eyed player trying to hang on to past glories who wants to coach. Then be prepared to lose your soul. In this world ruled by those who conform there is no room for a free thinker. I know there are many great coaches who now tend to their garden or hide in society rather than compromise their values. Perhaps a result of their free thinking and rugby throughout the world is a lot worse off because of this.
So if you want to advance say "yes" and do what is required. But if you want to be truly great be brave and challenge. If the success does not come from this then at least you can look into the eyes of those you love and feel true to yourself.
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